How to Write an Obituary — A Gentle, Step-by-Step Guide

Writing an obituary is one of the most meaningful things you can do for someone you love — and one of the hardest things you may ever be asked to do while grieving. There is no perfect obituary. There is only the one that feels true to the person being remembered. This guide is here to walk you through the process gently, step by step, so you can honor a life with clarity and care, even when your heart is heavy.

Why Obituaries Matter

An obituary is more than an announcement. It is a portrait of a life — a public declaration that someone lived, that they mattered, and that the world is different because of them. For many families, the obituary becomes one of the most enduring written records of a person's existence. Decades from now, a grandchild, a researcher, or a distant relative may read these words and learn something essential about who this person was.

Writing an obituary during grief can feel overwhelming. You may be managing funeral arrangements, comforting family members, fielding phone calls, and making financial decisions — all while trying to process your own loss. The pressure to "get it right" can be paralyzing. But there is an important truth that may bring some relief: there is no single right way to write an obituary. The only requirement is that it comes from a place of honesty and love.

Some obituaries are formal and reverent. Others are warm and conversational, even humorous. Some are brief and factual. Others are deeply personal narratives that read like a short story. All of these are valid. The obituary belongs to the family, and it should reflect the person being remembered — not conform to someone else's expectations. Whatever you write will be enough, because you are the one who knew them.

Obituary vs. Death Notice

The terms "obituary" and "death notice" are often used interchangeably, but they are different in scope, length, and cost. Understanding the distinction can help you decide what is right for your family and your budget.

Death Notice

A death notice is a brief, factual announcement of a person's passing. It typically includes only the most essential information: the person's full name, age, date of death, and details about upcoming services (visitation, funeral, or memorial). Death notices are usually just a few lines long — sometimes fewer than 50 words. Because of their brevity, they are relatively inexpensive to publish in a newspaper, often costing between $50 and $200.

Death notices serve a practical purpose: letting the community know that someone has died and where and when to pay respects. They are not intended to tell the story of a life.

Obituary

An obituary is a more detailed narrative that goes beyond the basic facts to describe who the person was. A full obituary typically includes biographical information, family survivors, career and educational accomplishments, personal interests and qualities, and any information about services and memorial requests. Obituaries can range from 150 words to well over 1,000 words. Because of their length, they are more expensive to publish in newspapers, often costing $200 to $1,500 or more depending on the publication and the number of words or lines.

Many families choose to publish a short death notice in the newspaper and a longer, more detailed obituary online, where space is unlimited and costs are lower or nonexistent. This approach combines the practical reach of a newspaper notice with the personal depth of a full tribute.

What to Include in an Obituary

Every obituary is unique, but most follow a general structure that ensures all important information is included. The following elements are commonly found in obituaries. You do not need to include every one — choose what feels appropriate for your family and for the person being honored.

Full Legal Name and Nicknames

Begin with the person's full legal name, including their middle name or maiden name if applicable. If the person was widely known by a nickname, include it in quotation marks after their first name — for example, Margaret "Peggy" Johnson or Robert "Bobby" Martinez. This helps people who knew the deceased by different names identify them.

Date and Place of Birth

Include the person's date of birth and the city and state (or country) where they were born. This establishes the beginning of their life story and provides important genealogical information for future family members and researchers.

Date, Place, and Cause of Death

State the date of death and the city where the person died. Including the cause of death is entirely optional. Some families share this information openly, particularly when they wish to raise awareness about a disease, reduce the stigma surrounding conditions like addiction or mental health struggles, or simply because they believe in transparency. Other families prefer to use gentler language such as "died peacefully," "passed away at home surrounded by family," or "after a courageous battle with cancer." There is no obligation to disclose medical details, and no one should feel pressured to share more than they are comfortable with.

Family: Survivors and Predeceased

List the immediate family members who survive the deceased, typically starting with the spouse or partner, then children (and their spouses), grandchildren, siblings, and sometimes parents if living. It is also customary to mention family members who preceded the person in death — often a spouse, parents, siblings, or children. The phrasing is usually something like: "She was preceded in death by her husband, [name], and her parents, [names]."

Family dynamics can be complicated, and deciding who to include can be sensitive. There are no rules — only what feels right and respectful to the family. Some families choose to include close friends, caregivers, or beloved pets. What matters is that the listing reflects the relationships that were meaningful in the person's life.

Education and Career Highlights

Mention significant educational achievements (high school, college, graduate school, professional certifications) and career milestones. If the person served in the military, include their branch of service, rank, and any notable deployments or honors. For someone whose career was central to their identity — a lifelong teacher, a small business owner, a nurse who dedicated 40 years to the same hospital — this section provides a meaningful way to honor their professional legacy. Keep it factual and proportional to its importance in the person's life.

Hobbies, Passions, and Personal Qualities

This is often the most meaningful part of an obituary — the section that transforms a list of facts into a portrait of a human being. What did this person love? What lit them up? Were they a devoted gardener, a passionate fisherman, an avid reader, a tireless volunteer, a storyteller, a baker whose kitchen was always open? Did they have a dry sense of humor, a booming laugh, an unfailing kindness toward strangers?

These details are what people remember most. They are what make a reader smile through tears, what make a grandchild feel connected to someone they may never have met. Do not rush this section. Take time to gather stories and memories from multiple family members and friends. The small, specific details — a favorite chair, a signature phrase, the way they always had a pocketful of butterscotch candies — are often more powerful than grand statements.

Service Details

Provide the date, time, and location of any visitation, funeral service, memorial service, or graveside service. If the service is private or family-only, state that clearly so the community understands. If a public memorial will be held at a later date, mention that as well. Include the name and address of the funeral home, church, or other venue so attendees can find it easily.

Charitable Donations in Lieu of Flowers

Many families request that, in lieu of flowers, friends and community members make donations to a charity, scholarship fund, or organization that was meaningful to the deceased. If this is the family's wish, include the name of the organization and, if possible, a mailing address or website where donations can be made. Some families set up memorial funds through community foundations or GoFundMe pages to support a specific cause.

Photo Selection

Most published obituaries include a photograph of the deceased. Newspapers typically accept one photo, while online platforms may allow multiple images or even a photo gallery. Choose a photo that captures the person as they would want to be remembered — it does not have to be a formal portrait. A candid photo of someone doing what they loved, laughing with family, or in a place that was meaningful to them can be more evocative than a studio headshot. If submitting to a newspaper, check their requirements for file format, resolution, and size, as many papers have specific technical standards.

How Long Should an Obituary Be?

There is no single correct length. The right length depends on where you are publishing, what you want to say, and what you can afford if publishing in a newspaper that charges by the word or line.

Newspaper Obituaries

Because newspapers charge for space, most printed obituaries are kept relatively concise. A typical newspaper obituary runs 150 to 300 words for a standard notice, or 300 to 500 words for a more detailed tribute. Some families write longer obituaries of 600 to 1,000+ words for major publications, but the cost increases proportionally. If budget is a concern, focus on the most essential facts and service details for the newspaper version, and save the fuller narrative for an online publication.

Online Obituaries

Online platforms — including funeral home websites, memorial sites like Legacy.com, and social media — generally have no word limits. This allows families to write as much or as little as they wish without worrying about per-word costs. Online obituaries of 500 to 1,500 words are common and give families the space to include personal stories, multiple photographs, and detailed biographical information. The online version can also be updated over time, allowing families to add service details, post-service reflections, or memorial fund information as it becomes available.

Practical Word Count Guidance

• Brief death notice (newspaper): 25 – 75 words — name, dates, service details only
• Standard newspaper obituary: 150 – 300 words — key biographical facts, family, services
• Detailed newspaper obituary: 300 – 500 words — fuller biography, personal details, service info
• Extended online obituary: 500 – 1,500+ words — comprehensive life story, stories, multiple photos

Obituary Costs

The cost of publishing an obituary varies widely and is one of those expenses that catches many families by surprise during an already difficult time. Understanding the typical pricing structures can help you make informed decisions about where and how to publish.

Newspaper Pricing

Most newspapers charge for obituaries based on length, and the pricing models differ from paper to paper:

• Per-line pricing: Many newspapers charge per line of text, typically $10 to $30 per line, with most obituaries running 20 to 40 lines. A 30-line obituary at $15 per line would cost $450.
• Per-word pricing: Some papers charge per word, often $0.50 to $3.00 per word. A 300-word obituary at $1.50 per word would cost $450.
• Flat-rate pricing: A smaller number of newspapers offer flat-rate packages for obituaries of a certain length, such as "$250 for up to 200 words" with per-word charges beyond that limit.
• Photo fees: Adding a photograph typically costs an additional $25 to $300, depending on the publication. Some papers include one photo in their base price; others charge separately.
• Day-of-week premiums: Publishing on a Sunday, when readership is highest, may cost more than a weekday publication in some markets.

Typical Cost Ranges by Publication Type

• Small community or rural newspaper: $50 – $300
• Mid-size regional newspaper: $200 – $600
• Major metropolitan newspaper (e.g., New York Times, LA Times, Chicago Tribune): $500 – $1,500+
• National newspaper of record: $1,000 – $2,000+

These ranges are approximate and based on publicly available rate information. Actual costs depend on the specific publication, the length of your obituary, and whether you include a photo. Always call the newspaper's obituary department directly to confirm current pricing before submitting.

Online and Free Options

Publishing an obituary online is often significantly less expensive than print, and many options are free:

• Funeral home website: Most funeral homes post obituaries on their website at no additional charge as part of their services. These pages are often well-indexed by search engines and easy for the community to find.
• Legacy.com: One of the largest online obituary platforms. Funeral homes can post obituaries through Legacy.com partnerships, and families can create guest books and memorial pages. Some features are free; others involve a fee.
• Echovita, Dignity Memorial, and similar platforms: Various memorial websites aggregate obituaries from funeral homes and newspapers, providing additional online visibility.
• Social media: Sharing an obituary on Facebook, Instagram, or other platforms is free and can reach a wide network of friends and acquaintances quickly. Many families create dedicated memorial posts or use the "memorialized account" feature on Facebook.
• Personal or family websites: Some families create a simple memorial webpage or blog where they can share the obituary, photographs, videos, and a guest book without any space limitations or recurring costs.

Funeral Home Obituary Services

Many funeral homes offer obituary writing and placement as part of their service package. The level of assistance varies:

• Some funeral homes write the obituary for you based on information you provide, at no additional charge beyond their basic services fee.
• Others charge a separate fee of $50 to $200 or more for obituary writing and placement assistance.
• The funeral home may handle submission to newspapers and online platforms on your behalf, which can save time during a stressful period.
• Always ask the funeral home to show you the obituary before it is submitted, and confirm what the newspaper will charge separately from the funeral home's fees.

Where to Publish an Obituary

Choosing where to publish depends on who you want to reach, how quickly you need the information to appear, and what you can afford. Many families choose a combination of platforms to ensure broad coverage.

Local Newspaper

The deceased person's hometown newspaper remains the most traditional and widely expected place for an obituary. For older community members, friends, and neighbors who are not active on social media, the local paper may be the primary way they learn about the death and service details. If the person lived in multiple cities during their lifetime, families sometimes publish in each community's paper.

National and Major Metropolitan Newspapers

For individuals with a broad professional reputation, national standing, or connections across multiple regions, publishing in a major newspaper such as the New York Times, Washington Post, or Wall Street Journal can reach a wider audience. These publications tend to have the highest per-line or per-word rates.

Online Memorial Platforms

Websites like Legacy.com, Echovita, Ever Loved, and Tributes.com specialize in obituaries and memorial pages. These platforms allow families to post detailed obituaries, upload photo galleries, create virtual guest books, and accept online condolences. Many of these services are free or available at modest cost. Online obituaries remain accessible indefinitely, making them a lasting digital memorial.

Funeral Home Website

Nearly all funeral homes maintain a website with an obituary section. Posting here ensures that anyone who contacts or searches for the funeral home will find the information. Funeral home obituary pages are typically well-indexed by search engines and appear prominently in local search results.

Social Media

Sharing an obituary on Facebook, Instagram, or other social platforms can reach a wide network almost instantly. Social media is particularly effective for reaching friends, coworkers, and acquaintances who may not read the local newspaper. Some families designate one person to manage social media communications to ensure the information is shared sensitively and accurately.

Community and Organization Newsletters

If the deceased was active in a faith community, civic organization, professional association, alumni network, or veterans' group, these organizations may have newsletters, email lists, or websites where an obituary or death notice can be shared. This can be a meaningful way to reach people who were part of specific chapters of the person's life.

Writing Tips for a Meaningful Obituary

If you have never written an obituary before, the blank page can feel intimidating. These practical suggestions may help you move from uncertainty to a finished tribute that feels genuine and worthy of the person you are remembering.

Start by Gathering Notes and Memories

Before you write a single sentence, take time to collect information and stories. Call or text family members and close friends and ask them to share a favorite memory, a characteristic they admired, or something the person always said. Write everything down, even the small things — especially the small things. You can organize later. The goal at this stage is to have a rich collection of material to draw from, so the writing feels less like a cold exercise and more like a conversation with people who loved the same person.

Use the Person's Voice and Personality

The most memorable obituaries sound like the person being described. If your loved one was funny, let humor come through. If they were quiet and thoughtful, let the tone reflect that. If they were bold and opinionated, do not sand down their edges for the sake of convention. An obituary that reads like it could have been written about anyone is a missed opportunity. An obituary that makes someone say "that sounds exactly like them" is a gift.

Balance Formal Information with Personal Warmth

An obituary needs to include certain factual information — dates, names, service details — but it should not read like a government form. Weave the facts into a narrative that flows naturally. Instead of listing accomplishments in bullet points, tell a story. Instead of simply stating "she enjoyed gardening," you might write something like "her rose garden was legendary on the block, and she was never happier than on a Saturday morning with dirt under her nails and a cup of coffee getting cold on the porch railing."

Be Honest, But Be Kind

An obituary is not the place for a warts-and-all biography, but it also does not need to be hagiography. Most families find a middle ground: celebrating the genuine qualities and real accomplishments of the person without exaggerating or fabricating. If someone's life included struggles — illness, addiction, financial difficulty — families handle this in different ways. Some mention it openly and with compassion. Others choose to focus on the person's strengths and the love they gave. Both approaches are valid.

Read It Aloud Before Publishing

Reading the obituary aloud is one of the most useful things you can do before submitting it. You will hear awkward phrasing, catch missing information, and notice whether the tone feels right. Reading aloud also gives you a sense of the obituary's length — if it takes more than two to three minutes to read, it may be longer than you intended (which is fine for online publication, but expensive for print). If possible, read it to another family member and ask whether it feels true.

Do Not Rush

Most newspapers allow several days between the time you contact them and the time the obituary needs to appear. You do not have to write it in a single sitting. Many families draft the obituary over a day or two, revising as new memories surface or family members contribute additional details. If you are working with a funeral home, they may be able to submit a brief death notice immediately to announce the passing and service details, while you take more time to prepare the full obituary for a later edition or for online publication.

Ask for Help If You Need It

You do not have to write the obituary alone. Family members, close friends, clergy, funeral home staff, and professional obituary writers are all potential sources of help. Some people find it helpful to have one person draft the obituary and then circulate it to family members for additions and corrections. Others prefer a collaborative approach from the start. There is no shame in asking for help with something this important during one of the most difficult times of your life.

Sample Obituary Structure

The following is a structural template — not a fill-in-the-blank form, but a general framework that many families find helpful as a starting point. Adapt it to fit the person you are writing about. Skip sections that do not apply. Add sections that feel important. The goal is guidance, not rigidity.

This framework is only a starting point. Some families prefer a chronological narrative that reads more like a short biography. Others prefer a non-linear approach that begins with the most distinctive or beloved qualities of the person and weaves in the facts along the way. There is no wrong structure — only the one that serves the person and the family best.